You Are Enough Just As You Are by Julie Lee
The idea of
feeling good enough was a foreign concept when I was younger. It’s not
something I thought much about until I was older and became aware that the
anxiety or dissatisfaction that I was feeling related to my lack of ‘feeling
enough’. In the background of my mind and consciousness was the repeating tape
that I always needed to try harder and to do better. I didn’t realise that all
those little incidents, comments made by those around me and society would lead
me to feel that just being me was not good enough.
It took me
some time to realise that I was living by somebody else’s standards and try as
I might, my achievements never seemed to meet these expectations or ideals. Back
then, it was difficult to feel I was failing to do what was expected of me but
now with a lot of hindsight, I can see that it was an advantage. It was
something I needed to go through in order to create my own path; a path that
truly resembled who I really am and my true values and desires.
that we are conditioned by society to believe that we are not okay just as we
are. We see images of so-called perfection all around us – advertisements and
stories of beautiful people, families, lives etc. and what success is supposed
to look like. As a result, we try to meet these ideas of what is deemed good
enough but, in most cases, these are false and made up. They’re created to
encourage commercialism (the ‘buy more’ culture) and to find our happiness
outside of ourselves.
reality is that nothing outside of ourselves is going to make us feel enough.
Having the latest car, high flying job or the latest phone, shoes, dress etc
may momentarily boost our endorphin levels and give the feelings of delight and
joy but it rarely lasts very long. After a while, the emotions recede, we get
bored and the search for something new begins in order to reignite those
good enough is an inside job. It’s about loving and accepting yourself as you
are. Not needing yourself to be any different, not needing to do anything at
all, in order to be loved. It’s a simple idea but often difficult in reality as
we all have so many wounds, trauma and/or memories that have taught us
the process means taking the time to get to know yourself. Who are you away
from all the material things that you have? Who are you when you’re not putting
on the socially accepted mask at work, with friends etc? It may be a scary thought and not necessarily
an inviting activity to undertake when we have so many distractions available to
us these days. Who wants to get caught up in yucky emotions when it’s possible
to enjoy the latest Instagram photo or FB story etc.? However, taking this time
to be with the real you is a start to the deepest and most rewarding
relationship you’ll ever have. If your relationship with yourself isn’t good,
then it’s difficult to expect your outer relationships to be in a better state.
this journey of discovery to love and acceptance doesn’t mean you have to get
rid of your worldly goods and head to the mountains to be in deep contemplation
for months on end. Though obviously if that appeals then follow that desire! Rather
my opinion is that it’s a journey that lasts a lifetime and one that you can
I suggest beginning
with the following:
- Be curious about yourself and take the time to spend moments alone to contemplate what is happening within you. Taking the time to hear yourself and feel your emotions without judgement where possible. Meditation is great for this but even just spending 5 minutes a day just breathing consciously and being aware of your feelings, tension in the body etc is a great start.
- Become aware of your thoughts and self-talk. How do you treat yourself on a daily basis? Are your words kind and supportive or harsh and ever demanding? Ask yourself what you would like to hear instead and start to give yourself the support that you need. It may feel unnatural at first, but the more you do it, the sooner you will realise how unnatural it is to not be saying kind things to yourself.
- Do nice things for yourself daily. These don’t need to be big acts of kindness. Just little, simple things that make you feel joyful such a lovely cup of tea, time to read, some stretching, a walk in the park etc. If you have the thought that you wish someone else would do a certain activity for you, for example, buy you flowers, surprise you with a gift etc, do it for yourself. You don’t need anyone to validate your existence, to make you feel special. You can do that yourself and it will feel wonderful when you do.
that everything you need is already inside of you – you just need to take the
time to re-familiarise yourself with who you really are. Wishing you well on
this journey of discovery.
Julie Lee is a holistic coach. She qualified as a life coach in 2008 and uses an intuitive coaching style which looks at the person as a whole, taking into consideration their mind, body and spirit. She incorporates a variety of tools in her sessions with clients to help them live the life they really desire. Check out Julie’s blog Born To Be You!
You can also contribute to the Cygnus blog! Click here to learn more about how you can share your experiences with the Cygnus Community just like Julie!
You Are Enough Just As You Are by Julie Lee